Flowchart: Let’s Grab Burgers!



  1. Evan

    Thank you for including Lion’s Tap. I grew up in Shakopee and have been preaching the Tap gospel for a while now.

  2. Emily

    This is great! Though, my lucky family will usually end up at the Nook if I am the one answering the questions!

  3. Nugget

    All my meat-eating friends rave about the Vincent burger (and they have the classiest happy hour around.)

  4. Lee

    I love the chart! But you left out a few of my favorite burgers in town. If it’s gotta be cheese filled and I’m willing to spend the dough, it’s gotta be the Vincent Burger. If it’s gotta be local and vegetarian, I’m heading to Be’Wiched, or maybe the Birchwood. If it’s gotta be turkey, I’ll see you at the Edina Grill or French Meadow. Of course, the best burgers in town are made in my backyard…

  5. James Norton

    The Matt’s omission wasn’t accidental. If there’s a worse value for your money in town, I haven’t found it. And let’s not even get started on their fries.

  6. Evan

    Thank you James. Dave and I went there for an early episode of Well Fed Guide, and didn’t tell me where we were going like it was Wally World or something. Most disappointed I’ve been after a show yet.

    Haven’t been to 5-8 yet, so don’t have a comment on that holy war, but Matt’s is a waste.

  7. justin

    The 5-8 has the benefit of having a kitchen (if you can call Matt’s setup that) that dates from the Truman administration. I seriously question my sanity for eating in such a health department disaster every time I go to Matts. And, at least at the 5-8 I can pretend I’m healthy and get some lettuce and tomato on my juicy lucy. Heresy, I know.

    Plus, the 5-8’s juicy lucys are better.

  8. Shogunmoon

    I was actually pleased at the omission of Matt’s myself. Matt’s has the prestige, but the actual burger is not really anything special.

  9. Ed Kohler

    I think the Jucy Lucy branch is valuable since it puts quality first. However, if you want to call yourself an authority on local cuisine, a trip to Matt’s has to happen and should probably happen first in a Jucy Lucy tour to set the bar with the original.

  10. Jason Walker

    Matt’s is gross. If you like it for nostalgia’s sake, fine. Otherwise, admit that a crappy patty filled with Tang-colored, runny glop served with gross fries and unbelievably overpriced beer does not constitute anything other than a complete rip-off.

  11. James Norton

    There’s certainly no rule against liking bad fries, or bad anything — personal taste and quality only occasionally have a meaningful relationship. Personally, I’m a big fan of Rocky Rococo’s pizza. I wouldn’t defend it to any actual pizza fan — it’s doughy, overly sweet, and covered in a gloppy, greasy pile of cheese. But I do think it’s delicious, probably because I was conditioned to enjoy it from childhood.

  12. Josh

    I think anyone judging Matt’s for “quality” is kinda missing the point. It’s ground beef stuffed with American cheese. I mean, really. What’s next? A critical analysis of the brush technique and color theory used in a variety of velvet Elvis paintings? The whole point is its tasty lack of aspiration to any degree of quality combined with an atmosphere composed of shameless retro kitsch, authentically assembled by not having changed anything for decades.

  13. Matt P

    Dissing Matt’s over some made-up, conclusory “I’m a beef critic” spurn is like dissing Lays because you can’t taste the potato. You obviously don’t get it.

    It’s an assembly! Served with panache!

  14. Doug

    Before people start driving from all over town to hit the 5-8 Club, don’t assume that it is on the flow chart where it is because it is the uncrowded alternative. If you go at prime time, you could easily park over a block away and wait. But again, it’s worth it. By the way, it pre-dates the Truman administration. It was a speakeasy. About ten years ago it had to close for several months for remodeling after the city discovered they still had the original dirt under the floor. Something about health code.

  15. Joe A.

    “Up for a long drive” should mean Shortstop Bar and Grill in Coon Rapids, but lucky for us it’s blocks away.

  16. Raoul

    Seriously? No Matt’s?

    Every single time, and I really do mean this,I’ve ever eaten at the 5-8 Club I have been so disappointed and and underwhelmed with their pitiful excuse for a burger that I wonder why I didn’t just wait in line at Matt’s for a real Jucy Lucy.

    Matt’s Matt’s Matts! Forever!

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