The Febgiving Proclamation
Whereas the month of February is cold, and dark, and equidistant from both the warmth of the beloved December holidays and the eventual renewing goodness of spring
and Whereas the only holiday in February is the execrable Valentine’s Day (which makes single people feel terrible, clogs up restaurants, and puts people in stable relationships under undue and unpleasant pressure to be “spontaneously” “romantic”)
and Whereas there has never been a better time of year in which to insert a new holiday
and Whereas Thanksgiving, as a celebration of camaraderie and fantastic food, is about as good a holiday to which one can possibly point
Now, therefore, it is resolved to celebrate a second Thanksgiving in the February of each year, on the Saturday on or following Valentine’s Day (superseding that holiday whenever possible)
Moreover it is suggested that the guest list for this Thanksgiving in February comprise primarily dear friends and promising acquaintances with family members included only insomuch as they do not potentially complicate the easygoing joyousness of the day.
Having spelled out our purpose, we therefore proclaim this new holiday “Febgiving,” and invite any and all to celebrate it.
(For more details, visit Febgiving.com.)